Today is Wednesday, November 24th, and the always feared PET scans, of which I had again this morning, have just resulted in some crushing news. My cancer, Clear Cell Sarcoma, has now spread throughout my entire right leg, and although not yet visible on my scans, it has likely spread to my abdominal organs. the cancer can no longer be controlled by surgery, radiation, or chemo-therapy; my treatment options have run out! My doctors speculate that as of today I have about 2 months before my leg becomes too sore and swollen to use. The pain will be treated with nerve blocks until this ultimately becomes fatal. I am not at all surprised to be here in this position today. I’ve been able to feel bumps under my skin where they shouldn’t be and I’ve been preparing myself for this emotionally. However, up till now I’ve been able to tell myself that this sucks, but it’s in the future. From here forward, each day my condition will be worse than the previous.
To turn this devastating news into something more positive, I’ve been focusing on the unique opportunities that this situation would allow. Some of my favorite inspirations have always been “On the Road” by Jack Kerouak (great gift Thomas – Thank You!), and the films “Into the Wild”, and “Easy Rider” (great gift Ryan & Makiko – Thank You!) The classic idea of the freedom of the road. A while back, I decided that when this day comes, I will no longer be” fit for duty” at work and submit for full disability. I will use as much of my remaining time as possible to take a cross country road trip; no defined plans or agenda. This has really given me a lot of adventure to look forward to!
My super supportive parents have decided to join Shannon and I on the trip. Shannon, my mother, and father have all taken a leave of absence from their work with little notice and their employers are extremely supportive. Shannon would tell me that this all stems back to “Self Determination Theory.”